Zero Shalom in the Home

That picture up there?  Complete and total FAKE NEWS.

I have a Facebook acquaintance whose kids are in college, or maybe even out of college by now.  I’ve watched them ‘grow up’ via Facebook for the last nine(ish) years.  She frequently posts about how awesome it is that her children, one girl and one boy, are so incredibly close and actually enjoy one another’s company.

I am happy for her.  And yet, I want to punch her in the throat.  Because, speaking of throats, my kids are at each other’s pretty much every second of every minute of every hour of every day.  They are not great friends.  They are the polar opposite of great friends.  They very rarely seem to be on the same page, or the same team, or even the same fucking planet.

I want to ask this friend if her children have always been so close, if they liked each other when they were 15 and 12.  But I can’t ask, because I’m afraid she’ll say yes.  And then I would have to get in my car, drive the 13 hours to where she lives, and actually punch her in the throat.  I’m really not typically a violent person, but I admit being prone to jealousy.  Especially of folks whose kids don’t despise one another.

So instead of asking her, I’ll formulate what I’d want her answer to be.

Hell no they were not friendly then.  They fought all the damn time.  About every stupid fucking thing you can imagine (in my dream world, this successful mom would curse as much as I do).  Only when they got a little older, maybe 17 and 19 years old, did they each decide the other was worthy of a little space on the planet, and that they actually were on the same team.  And, after a few years of simply tolerating one another, they actually became friends.  DO NOT GIVE UP.  There is hope for your asshole kids!!

Ultimately, though, I suppose it doesn’t matter what she’d say.  My kids are not her kids.  My kids are my kids, and their flaws and strengths are a unique blend that could only have been formulated by their shit show parents’ DNA and ~stellar~ parenting skills.  I will continue wishing they would get along until they actually do, or hell freezes over. Until then, I will continue my journey of sub-standard parenting and quest to create completely non-functional adults.

Soar with your strengths, friends.  Soar with your strengths.