The word of the day is PRATTLE.
This is at least my 10th attempt to sit down and write something since my last post. What can I tell you about why?
That I’ve been too busy? Nah. I have no job and my kids are school aged. If there’s one thing I’ve got, it’s time.
That I’ve been focusing on fall cleaning and organizing the house? Nobody who knows me would believe that noise.
That my current foster dog is taking all my energy? Well, she was really sick the first week we had her, and required lots of meds and multiple trips to the vet; but let’s go back to that unemployed mom of two school aged kids thing.
That my husband has been traveling? No. He’s actually been home. A lot. Perhaps he’s my anti-muse.
That I’ve simply had nothing to write about? Sure. That’s it. Everything around here has been completely copacetic and free of any drama whatsoever. Can you hear my eyes rolling? My daughter turned 14 last week. My son’s 16. My house is a veritable shit storm of hormones and stereotypically bad adolescent decision making. I know I’ve said that before. But I can officially tell you I underestimated what was to come. And that’s probably still true today. Shudder.
Truth is I’ve had plenty to blather on about, but I’ve possibly felt a little too overwhelmed to do it.
I could go on about how losing a pastor unexpectedly, which is something I’d have expected to be hard, is actually hard on steroids. And about how I constantly struggle with feelings that the intensity of my grief is unwarranted. Or about how, although it does seem to be easing a bit, I still have a knot of dread in my stomach when I have to enter the church. The place that always felt like such a solace and refuge from the outside world now comes with some seriously heavy baggage.
I could write an entire post on how heavy it has felt to parent teenagers the past few weeks. How hard it is to watch them do stupid shit (that I won’t tell you about here, in an attempt to maintain a wee bit of privacy for them). Even though I know it’s part of the deal, part of the process; I still long to cocoon them from the big bad world and protect them from their own stupidity. Or about how sad it’s made me feel to know that one of their friends is dealing with stuff that’s so much heavier than the normal teenaged BS we’ve got going on at our house, and how powerless I’ve felt to do anything to help.
Or the downfall of civilization; evidenced by pipe bombs, murdered reporters, attacks on the rights of our transgender sons/daughters/sisters/brothers, and shamelessly hate filled political ads. And let’s not leave out the existence bratwurst with pumpkin spice and cranberries.
Instead of writing anything of substance about any of those topics, I’ve thrown together this POS simply touching on all of them. Blogging goals are a tricky thing. Mine is to post something every week, and it’s been three weeks since I’ve posted. There’s a fine line to be walked of meeting the goal, yet posting simply for the sake of posting. Is it more important to meet a goal or to attempt to stay relevant? Today I’ve decided I was never terribly relevant to begin with, so I’m focusing on getting back on track with the goal.
Here’s to hoping for more coherence and less prattling next week. We shall see.