We mercifully wrapped up sophomore year today, and I simply refuse to acknowledge the fact that we’ll be facing another sophomore year come September of 2020. Because the only word I can use to describe the 10th grade year we’re wrapping up is GODAWFUL.
As usual, there was plenty of good, and I should be focusing on that. We are all in stellar physical health. I believe a passing grade has been earned in all classes. We’ve battled a fair number of demons and enjoyed a couple of victories along the way.
But oh my heart, the lessons I’ve had to learn as a parent this year have put my heart and soul through a wringer. I have been bitch slapped by the reality of how many things I cannot control. I’ve tied my stomach into knots over the fact that I frequently have to let him make his own choices, even when they’re shitty. I’ve seethed with rage over the way other people parent, which is super rich considering I have no clue what the fuck I’m doing. I’ve shed tears over how incredibly awful kids can be to each other- knowing my kid has been on both the giving and receiving end of some truly abhorrent behavior (if you think girls have the market on being mean cornered, let’s talk). I have stewed over countless parental missteps I’ve made this year, some of which have led to aforementioned abhorrent behavior that my kid’s had to field. And of course, I’ve worried. Oh my God, how I’ve worried. About all of it.
I have next to no context for how standard issue all this BS is. My own sophomore year was also pretty dreadful. I was in a new town, a new school, and knew no one. I was entirely too shy and awkward to get into any trouble, which left me with plenty of time to excel in my schoolwork, which I did. And while I endured some incredibly lonely times while trying to find my way in a new environment, no one was ever overtly asshole-ish towards me. Regardless, I’d never want to repeat it.
I’ll say it again for the bazillionth time. Parenting is hard. I don’t know why I keep rehashing that fact, but here we are. I guess I’m the self-appointed president of the ‘WHY IS THIS SO FUCKING HARD’ club and will likely be calling next week’s meeting to order with sordid tales of the first week of summer.
Let the summer games begin. Lord have mercy.