GUESS WHAT?!

No job yet. Did I fool ya???

Last week I continued my shameless self-promotion, speaking ad nauseam about how qualified and virtuous I am, via in person interviews and phone screens.

This process, y’all. It’s a roller coaster. Roller coasters don’t usually make me puke, but this one may.

Three weeks and change have elapsed since I submitted my first application and resumé at the end of October. I was clueless enough to think I’d be working, or at least scheduled to be working, by Thanksgiving. Have I mentioned I haven’t done this for awhile? And last time I did, I was applying in a field with a significant labor shortage?

Last week I participated in my first ever ‘behavioral interview.’ Thirty minutes of ‘describe a time when…’ questions. Interviewer did not have my resume or the job description of the position I was applying for. It would seem my ‘behavior’ is bad, because I received the ‘we are considering other candidates that we feel are the best fit for the position’ email a couple of days later. I miraculously resisted the urge to reply to lovely young HR representative and say, “Hey, no hard feelings. Your rejection sentence has an extraneous ‘that’ in it. So clearly your organization is completely beneath me anyway.”

The organization I was interviewing with has apparently decided these behavioral interviews are a good assessment tool. I have decided they are a waste of everyone’s time. In the organization’s defense, I was a shit show in that interview. In my defense, very little (perhaps nothing) about it would have demonstrated aptitude for the job; even if I’d aced it.

On the phone screen for a different position, after about 15 minutes, the lady interviewing me said, “I’m guessing this position will be filled internally.” So I guess she was just calling me for funsies. I am pretty damn fun to talk to on the phone.

I am NO damn fun to talk to on the phone.

I received an email a few days later saying the position had been filled internally. At this point in the sequence of events I was on what you might call a low point of the roller coaster ride; or perhaps the point in the journey when I would actually toss my cookies. Which is silly, because I knew both of those jobs were quite a stretch. Nonetheless, I was convinced these two rejections meant there were simply no employers on planet earth who would be interested in actually hiring me.

I am relieved to report I have not been rejected for every job I’ve applied for. Just most of ’em. Five days ago I had what I felt to be a great interview, for a clinic job I’d actually like to land. After which I was told they’d make a decision after Thanksgiving.

Ya wanna know who has lots of patience? Sub-par job seekers. Make up your damn mind, folks.

Today I had another interview that went very, very well. It’s a good sign when the interviewer wants to talk about Croatia for 10 minutes. A very, very good sign. And, he told me he’d have an answer for me by Friday.

I’ll probably jinx myself, but I’m feeling very good about my odds of having an offer in my hands by happy hour on Friday.

BUT. Of course there is a BUT. I hate BUTs.

While the position pays well, is within 10 minutes of my house, and the people I’d be working with seem great; it’s seasonal. Assisting a CPA during tax season, four to six months a year. On many, many levels this is a good thing. I could be on the sideline of every summer soccer game. I could go to Croatia with my family. I could sit by the pool and eat bonbons all day.

But, I don’t have a pool. And since my husband is between projects, it’d be really nice to have health insurance. Or at least make enough to pay for it. And, by my calculations, working four to six months at this pay scale won’t cover it. Which is TOTALLY FUCKING RIDICULOUS.

I had been doing a little better with my language. But I feel like this scenario deserves expletives.

All indicators point to the fact that on Friday I’ll either need to decide to take the seasonal job which won’t pay enough to cover health insurance for my family of four OR hold out hope for the clinic job, which is year round and comes with benefits. But, of course, it is certainly plausible I could turn down the seasonal job and then not be offered the clinic job.

So there ya go. A lot of news that’s really no news at all. I’m going to go take some deep breaths now.

And maybe have a glass of wine.