DO NOT OPEN ANY CLOSED DOORS

How are things going after five weeks of employment, you ask? I know you didn’t. You know I don’t care.

We are surviving, not necessarily thriving. Which I’m ultimately ok with.

Towards the end of last year, before I started, I signed us up to host a ‘cottage gathering’ brunch with our church’s new pastor. I knew having the house presentable would be a challenge, but decided it would be a good motivator to make the house less pig-sty-esque. Said gathering was yesterday at 10am. Chris and I started cleaning yesterday at 7:45 am. I warmly greeted our guests at the door saying, “Make yourself at home, but DO NOT OPEN ANY CLOSED DOORS, because I recently rejoined the work force and the parts of my house you can’t currently see are a COMPLETE AND TOTAL SHIT SHOW.

I’d like to tell you I didn’t really say SHIT SHOW at a church gathering, but why bother with such pretense. I did try to kind of bleep myself. At any rate, it was super extra classy on my part since the event had been advertised as kid friendly.

I’d also like to tell you I had the menu fully under control, but in reality I had to text my children’s godparents, AKA lifesavers, and ask them to bring pretty much everything we needed. Thankfully, somehow, in the past 15 years of leisurely eating bonbons I managed to surround myself with lots of salt and light folks, at least two of who will essentially cohost an event with me with little more than two hours notice. For the million times you’ve saved our behinds over the years, thanks Jeanie and Larissa!

And, perhaps my most genius moment of the weekend was when some of the kids who attended our event came and asked me where the toys were. I immediately started pointing them to the bin of DOGGIE toys. I somehow managed to catch myself and say, “Oh, I bet you mean toys for KIDS.”

Oh Mylanta.

We then arrived at an awkward few moments where I thought about it and had to say, “I don’t think we have any toys anymore.”

Wait, what?? Seriously. None. Are my kids 40? How the hell did I reach this point?

These nice boys kindly bailed me out. “How about some games?,” they asked. AHA. That I can do. I fished out a couple, then they discovered the joys of playing fetch with a small dog, which they did for quite some time.

I think it was ultimately a nice morning for all involved. I also think I’m pretty damn lucky to have gracious and accommodating people in my life; and I do not for a second take it for granted.

The one and only semi-presentable area of my home.

One thought on “DO NOT OPEN ANY CLOSED DOORS

  1. Oh, Anne. I love this and you so much. Michelle Vig would be proud of how you have let go of the things which no longer spark joy, like those toys. And the boys AND the dog were better off that you pointed them to dog toys. I heard a few of them saying that maybe they should consider a dog. And you know how to point them to a good rescue.

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