The Pandemic Diaries, Continued

As predicted, I’m still reporting to the office daily. I really wouldn’t have issue with this, being that there are only three of us and it’s generally possible for us to always social distance. Unfortunately, my co-worker and I have not been able to convince the man with his name on the door to quit letting people come in to drop off documents and pick up returns. Today, my co-worker did manage to convince him to cancel the rest of his appointments. Actually, she said, “Cancel them or I’m not coming back,” when she first walked in the door this morning; and by noon he relented. He had an appointment right after she laid down the law during which she came and asked me if she’d been too harsh or out of line. Which was perhaps one of the most Minnesotan moments of all time.

While a step in the right direction, I know it’s not enough. I am the one who has to sit at the front desk and greet folks, show them where to sign forms, and wait at my desk while they oh. so. slowly. write out their checks to pay their bill. Even with disinfectant wipes and hand sanitizer and frequent trips to the bathroom to wash my hands; it feels like it’s inevitable I’m going to contract this virus. And then pass it to my coworkers. And bring it home to my family. And share it with the people who keep coming in to the gosh darn office. And then they will share it with the world. And I’m going to have blood on my hands because I’m not standing up to my boss. I don’t fear dying of this virus, but I very much fear passing it on to someone else; to being part of the problem.

I am most likely being dramatic. But maybe I’m not. None of us know at this point. What I do know is I have little to no faith in the folks who are continuing to come to the office, because they are not exercising good judgement.

I guess the right thing for me to do is to refuse to continue coming in. Or to give my boss an ultimatum. This is a helluva situation. Because I’ve worked there all of 10 weeks and my boss is otherwise incredibly good to work for and I enjoy being employed. And, the additional cashflow is kinda necessary.

This is all really, really simple; and yet really, really NOT SIMPLE.

Upon coming home and scrolling through Facebook, I came across a video of one of our pastors giving the blessing we typically receive after taking communion: Dear Friends, you are the body of Christ. Go now, fed and forgiven, to be God’s good news in the world.

And damn if I didn’t start crying. I am not super anxious about any one aspect of what’s happening. But I’m a little bit anxious about a million different things. I’m weary with lots of little worries. It’s tiring.

The President has repeatedly tweeted calling this the Chinese Virus. It induces a rage in me that exacerbates everything else I’m feeling. Nothing about the man is helpful.

I’ve taken to writing super short, less than cogent paragraphs than I usually do (which is a very low bar). I shall take that as a sign it’s time for me to sign off and curl up with the doggos on the couch.

Peace be with you, my people. Honor your feelings and spread love any way you can.