All or Nothing, All the Damn Time

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Sometimes I can be a little hard on myself.  No, really.  It’s true.

I am prone, in these days of complete weirdness, to berate myself for things I took for granted (and frequently complained about).  I’ve already talked about missing soccer. I miss being a soccer mom and I really miss watching our MLS team.  Today I’m fondly remembering a mid-week trip to Eau Claire for a U15 soccer game, wishing I had some of that tasty Spotted Cow that can only be purchased in Wisconsin.

My sour expression in the photo, though, was not completely unwarranted.  It took over two hours of driving in rush hour traffic to get to that field.  My kid had to leave school early, we didn’t get home until after 11, and dinner consisted of McDonald’s eaten in the car on our ride home.

Also, there was only one ref.  Zero AR’s, which is soccer speak for bullshit when we’re talking about high school ball, in my opinion.  We lost by a goal on a questionable call.  I do not harbor ill will toward the poor ref, but there was some justifiable frustration at driving so damn far on a school night and the club not ensuring proper officiation.  Anyhoo.

Within a week, there was another game.  We didn’t have to go all the way to Wisconsin, but damn close.  We once again got home after 11pm and had late night quarter pounders for dinner.

May and December are ridiculous months for parents of school aged children.  Semesters wrapping up, holiday or end of year festivities, concerts, sports; all while school is in session.  Because we must jam in ALL THE THINGS before break!

If I had to choose between the way life is now and the way it was a year ago, I would most definitely opt for going back to ‘normal.’

But.  Always a but with me, dontcha know?

For the love of tacos, why do we have to be such a full throttle society?

We all want our kids to do all the things.  The sports, the music, the AP courses, the volunteer work that will look good when they’re applying for college; and it’d be nice if they’d add in a part-time job to earn their own damn spending money.

It stresses me out.  It stresses my kids out.  One will admit to that, the other would never say as much; but our society puts a pretty damn heavy load on them.

I long for balance, for both myself and my children.  I have no idea how to achieve it.  The answer, I suppose, is to work harder at enjoying the moment.  When life is ‘normal,’ I need to learn to find the joy in the harried schedule.  In these days, I need to learn to embrace this gift of time and not long for what used to be.

Serenity now, folks!!!  Wish me luck.

Be Well, Friends.